Five more days of Columbia police turning over the streets to raving queers, but Adam Fogle is all about the Grits Film Festival

The Artisan-Turned-Artist Adam Fogle- the self-appointed arts critic of Columbia whose last review was of an event he didn't attend- is calling Columbia's coming Indie Grits Film Festival "much anticipated."

But one has to wonder, given McLovin's gay panic last year over a mere tourism ad campaign costing less than $5,000, and his conniption fit- running for months- over the City of Columbia's funding of a Gay Pride Festival event as a deprivation of police from the streets of God- and gay- fearing folk like himself- just what on earth has prompted him to get so moist about this pervy, gay-dominated cinematic orgy, especially given that its sponsors include The City of Columbia, Richland County, and The Humanities Council:

Featuring more than 40 films over five days, this year’s Indie Grits will certainly achieve its goal of “breaking down any walls that may intimidate first time media makers by creating exhibition opportunities for work that might not make it into other festivals.”

From former State Legislator Bubba Cromer’s quirky Appalachian comedy “The Hills Have Thighs” — which kicks off the festival Wednesday night at 6 p.m. — to the feature-length film from The Palmetto Scoop’s favorite boys from Blue Ridge, “Solid Country Gold” Saturday at 4 p.m., there promise to be more than a few hidden gems.

Waldo, typing furiously in in his bath, looked up long enough to hand us a copy of the festival program and ask, "What will Boy Fogle do about these?"

Indeed. Consider these promos from the Festival Website:

The Hills Have Thighs (homosexual content): ...The Hills Have Thighs features a spray of characters ranging from a closeted homosexual Hillbilly named Drip, who has a propensity to dribble a little urine in his overalls, to an Obama-obsessed Limousine Liberal from California named Tree-Tree, who has a penchant for “Mammy” Dolls and sees nothing wrong with her extensive collection of “Negrobelia,” to two Lesbian “Sisters” – Twinkie and Velvetta Adams – who are forced to live in the cellar, to a colorful variety of big-boned ladies with even larger attitudes.

Dirt Dauber: (implied homosexual content, you don't wake up naked outdoors and let another man lead you into a tunnel in search of fertility insects): In this disturbing Lovecraftian fairytale, a man awakes naked and confused in a isolated mountainous region, and soon encounters a strange local who offers to help him. The helpful stranger tells the man of local folklore that speaks of a murderous religious cult, a train tunnel cut deep into the mountain that leads to nowhere, and an insect-like fertility god that is said to dwell within it. The two men soon go underground in search of the truth, and find themselves in a stygian black temple of horror.

The Gospel of Mark for Little Children (blasphemy warning): The monstrous Time Being has conquered this Earth, and the smoke from its Time Bombs fills everyone's heads -- so Jesus stalks to and fro, with a Living Radio and a Little Girl, curing the lame and stuffing the hungry, casting out demons and knocking on doors, beholding Flying Tanks, Fire-Breathing Humpback Whales, the Great Wall of Lysol, a Planet-Eating Space Dragon, and other such things. -- Based on the Gospel According to St. Mark. Made up with puppets and cartoons.

Mississippi Queen (lesbian alert; they can sneak through the South Carolina Is So Gay barrier): Mississippi Queen charts a woman’s mission to find much-needed answers. Paige Williams travels across the country and through the years, as she explores the distance between her upbringing and her life now. The south stands as the backdrop and her parents as the main characters.

Growing up a good Southern Baptist girl, Paige learned to love God and family. However, her senior year in high school would lead to a relationship with a girl, and all that would turn on its head. Over ten years later, she attempts to find balance in her marriage and commitment to a woman, their newborn and the fact that her parents run Mississippi’s only ex-gay ministry.

However, this story goes beyond just the Williams family. It is about the south, where there is a distinct queer culture that manages to thrive despite the religious fervor or, perhaps, because of it. Paige interviews gays who find no incongruity with going to church and loving the Lord and then those who feel they can’t be a part of religion without being judged. She talks to former homosexuals who converted due to their commitment to Christ and the wish to no longer sin. She also meets with the people who want to help them change.

At the heart of the film, though, is the middle ground where Paige and her parents attempt to meet. They don’t always get there, but the making of Mississippi Queen helps them get a little closer-- to God and each other.

Modern Love Is Automatic (perversion runs amok): MODERN LOVE IS AUTOMATIC is a new feature length motion picture about an apathetic nurse who moonlights as a dominatrix, her aspiring model roommate, and the sad, strange world they live in.

Rosebud (my God, more queers): A queered Florida fairie tale of a gender-queer sea goddess-Christ and a eunuch sailor who guide a young man to the origin of his desire.

Something Blue (sex outside marriage/pornography/liberalism): Roland Johnson, a retired adult film star, tries to get back into the sex industry after his wife leaves him. However, this isn't as easy as it seems. Roland is confronted with an overambitious director, a former co-star, a producer who doesn't like him, an actress who likes him a little too much, and his own insecurities about sex at his age. People continue to look up to him as a legitimate porn actor, but he seems to have forgotten what it was that made him a star. Eventually, Roland has to muster up the courage to go through a sex scene in an industry that has completely changed since he left it.

What the Frock (RUPAUL RED ALERT!): When amateur cross-dresser, Guy, dies and leaves a will that states he is to be buried in a dress and pearls - woe to those who plan on disobeying his wishes. A dark comedy about life, death, betrayal and the search for the perfect dress.