It's that time of year again: the shortlist for the Bad Sex In Fiction Awards over in London. From the contestants:
Extracts from the shortlisted novels
• The Quiddity of Wilf Self, by Sam Mills
Down, down, on to the eschatological bed. Pages chafed me; my blood
wept onto them. My cheek nestled against the scratch of paper. My cock
was barely a ghost, but I did not suffer panic.
• Noughties, by Ben Masters
We got up from the chair and she led me to her elfin grot, getting
amonst the pillows and cool sheets. We trawled each other's bodies for
every inch of history.
• Back to Blood, by Tom Wolfe Now
his big generative jockey was inside her pelvic saddle, riding, riding,
riding, and she was eagerly swallowing it swallowing it swallowing it
with the saddle's own lips and maw — all this without a word.
• Rare Earth by Paul Mason He
began thrusting wildly in the general direction of her chrysanthemum,
but missing — his paunchy frame shuddering with the efford of remaining
rigid and upside down.
• The Yips by Nicola Barker She
smells of almonds, like a plump Bakewell pudding; and he is the spoon,
the whipped cream, the helpless dollop of warm custard.
• Infrared by Nancy Huston
This is when I take my picture, from deep inside the loving. The Canon
is part of my body. I myself am the ultrasensitive film — capturing
invisible reality, capturing heat.
• The Divine Comedy by Craig Raine And
he came. Like a wubbering springboard. His ejaculate jumped the length
of her arm. Eight diminishing gouts. The first too high for her to lick.
Right on the shoulder.
• The Adventuress: The Irresistible Rise of Miss Cath Fox by Nicholas Coleridge In
seconds the duke had lowered his trousers and boxers and positioned
himself across a leather steamer trunk, emblazoned with the royal arms
of Hohenzollern Castle. 'Give me no quarter,' he commanded. 'Lay it on
with all your might.'
For the 2007 shortlist and winner, click here and here.
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