Patriotism: $4m per 30 seconds

The Borowitz Report:

ATLANTA (The Borowitz Report)—The Coca-Cola Company ignited a firestorm of controversy on Sunday with a Super Bowl ad that appeared to make the inflammatory claim that other languages besides English exist. 

From coast to coast, viewers reacted with outrage and horror to what many were calling the most incendiary Super Bowl ad in history. 

“I was enjoying the Super Bowl with my family, and suddenly, out of nowhere, comes this ad suggesting that there are other languages that aren’t English,” said Carol Foyler, a mother of three from Akron, Ohio. “I grabbed the remote and turned it off. My kids shouldn’t be exposed to garbage that’s just going to confuse them.” 

The Alliance for Responsible Advertising, a conservative watchdog group that monitors advertising it considers offensive and unfit for family viewing, issued a statement demanding that Coke apologize for the controversial ad and promise never to air it again. 

“Last night, Coke assaulted millions of Americans with its misguided and inappropriate view that other languages exist,” the statement said. “In the future, we strongly hope that Coke will keep its crazy theories to itself.”

The Delaware Libertarian also has a nice take on ex-Congressman Alan West's bent-out-of-shapeness over the ad:

Former Congressman Alan West and a lot of others are seriously disturbed by the Coke Super Bowl ad that had people singing "America the Beautiful" in different languages.  Aside from quoting Teddy Roosevelt, West opines: 

If we cannot be proud enough as a country to sing “American the Beautiful” in English in a commercial during the Super Bowl, by a company as American as they come — doggone we are on the road to perdition. This was a truly disturbing commercial for me, what say you? 

More amusing, perhaps, is Congressman West's casual acceptance of the Coca Cola transnational corporation as being "a company as American as they come."  What a hoot, Alan.  Have you ever examined the multinational holdings of your favorite company? 

The Company manufactures, markets and sells Leao / Matte Leao teas in Brazil through a joint venture with its bottling partners. During 2011, the Company introduced a variety of brands, brand extensions and beverage products: the Latin America group launched Frugos Sabores Caseros; in the Pacific group, Fanta, a fruit-flavored sparkling beverage, was relaunched in Singapore and Malaysia; Real Leaf, a green tea-based beverage, launched two varieties in Vietnam; and in South Korea it introduced three flavor variants of the Georgia Emerald Mountain Blend ready-to-drink coffee beverage and Burn Intense, an energy drink; the Europe group launched Powerade ION4 in Denmark, Norway, Sweden and France, France launched Powerade Zero; in the Eurasia and Africa group, Turkey launched Cappy Pulpy, and India launched Fanta Powder, an orange-flavored powder formulation; Schweppes Novida, a sparkling malt drink, was launched in Kenya and Uganda; and in Uganda Coca-Cola Zero was launched; in Egypt, it launched Cappy Fruitbite; and Schweppes Gold, a sparkling flavored malt drink, and in Ghana, it launched Schweppes Malt, a dark malt drink. During 2011, the Company sold approximately 26.7 billion unit cases of its products. 

 If you want to find something offensive about Coca Cola's overtly cute "America the Beautiful" ad, then consider the unlovely aspects of the company itself, or its monopolistic business practices, or its political contributions to Congressman John Carney, Senator Tom Carper, Senator Chris Coons, and . . . yes . . . . former Congressman Alan West.