Ellen (striking a very 'macho man" pose, chewing on an ice cube): You know, it's funny, because I think I know what's going on, it's not enough for you to be gay, you gotta recruit others, you know.
Susan: Yeah, I'll have to call national headquarters and tell them I lost you.
Damn, just one more and I would have gotten that toaster oven.
This week, Colorado State Representative Gordon Klingenschmitt predicted that in a hundred years, 20% of the population will be gay.
Most of this will be through recruiting schoolchildren, Klingenschmitt says. According to him, the 2010 US Census found about 3% of Americans classified themselves as expecting special privileges from pizza shops. That's about 9.72m gays running about loose today, affronting the yeoman shopkeepers of America.
That means Mike Huckabee's "militant gay movement" have some serious targets to meet, starting yesterday. 85.28m recruits over the next 85 years- a million a year.
To make this target more concrete, it works out to about 2740 people a day. With almost ten gays for every mark, this shouldn't be that big a stretch. But for rural midwestern gays, where people of any sort are thin on the ground, meeting quotas might be tough. Ditto big cities, where there's already so many gays much valuable time will be lost as they mistakenly try to recruit each other.
This, apparently, is why the gays are relying on big government, and big business, to do the heavy lifting for them. Newt Gingrich explained it to Bill O'Reilly in 2008:
O'REILLY: OK, now, the culture war. I know you've been flying around the country, and you're doing stuff. In the last three or four days, this is really nasty stuff. I mean, you know, hyper -- we're gonna show you some of the video. A woman getting a cross smashed out of her hand. We had a church in Michigan invaded by gay activists. We're gonna show you the video on Monday of that -- we have exclusively. We had a guy in Sacramento fired from his job. We had boycotts called on restaurants.
I mean, it is getting out of control, very few days after the election. How do you assess that?
GINGRICH: Look, I think there is a gay and secular fascism in this country that wants to impose its will on the rest of us, is prepared to use violence, to use harassment. I think it is prepared to use the government if it can get control of it. I think that it is a very dangerous threat to anybody who believes in traditional religion. And I think if you believe in historic Christianity, you have to confront the fact. And, frank -- for that matter, if you believe in the historic version of Islam or the historic version of Judaism, you have to confront the reality that these secular extremists are determined to impose on you acceptance of a series of values that are antithetical, they're the opposite, of what you're taught in Sunday school.
O'REILLY: Are you surprised at the speed of it? You figure that there'd be --
GINGRICH: Oh, I --
O'REILLY: -- a two-week breathing, you know -- wham.
GINGRICH: No. I think -- I think when the left -- when the radicals lost the vote in California, they are determined to impose their will on this country no matter what the popular opinion, no matter what the law of the land. You've watched them, for example, in Massachusetts, basically drive the Catholic Church out of running adoption services, drive Catholic hospitals out of offering any services, because they impose secular rules that are fundamentally --
O'REILLY: Yeah, and that's -- right --
GINGRICH: -- sinful from the standpoint, you know.
O'REILLY: Of the church --
GINGRICH: And so I think, we need -- look, we need a debate. [Gingrich's wife] Calista [Gingrich] and I just did a YouTube video on the Capitol Visitors Center where there's also an effort to take "In God We Trust" out of the Capitol Visitors Center.
O'REILLY: OK, we'll talk about that when we come back.
GINGRICH: That's how bad it is.