All God's chilluns got guns!

"These concepts of gun-free zones are a bad idea," says Rick Perry.

We need guns for wedding registries. We need guns in hospital maternity suites. Guns in kindergarten, guns at the vet, guns at Wal-Mart and Hobby Lobby. We need armed yard sales, and weaponized dogs and cats; we need NASCAR pit crews with guns. Guns in nursing homes, guns for the demented, who are already scared of everyone and worry about the death panels coming to get them. At least let them go down firing.

Guns on TV reality shows, PBS packing heat. Guns on Survivor Island. Guns at the National Archives; the Air & Space Museum, the Folger Shakespeare Library; armed pandas at the National Zoo. We need armed astronauts. Stephen Hawking needs an automatic he can aim with his eyes.

All actors with speaking roles in movies need guns. The dead need exhuming and reburying with guns for the next life. The Large Hadron Collider needs guns to shoot newly discovered subatomic particles that might be hostile to the American Way of Life if they can lock and load within their half-lives.

The 50 Shades of Grey books and DVD should come with guns and ammo, because once you've read/seen it, you'll be looking to end things.

Do you have motion-activated outdoor lighting outside your home? Arm them, and they'll each only come on one time. Ever.

McDonald's is losing a lot of money. A Colt .45 Happy Meal would turn that around, pronto.

Congress needs to pass Obamagun, requiring every American to buy a gun, with choices of firepower plans. No subsidies for the poor to get them, though. They cause all the gun problems,along with black people, illegal immigrants, and the mentally ill. They did things with guns when we had social service programs for them; they do stuff with guns now that we don't. It makes no difference. Bad people do bad things with guns; guns are like hostages to fortune that way. They want to do good things and kill the bad people. They live for really friendly fire, firing smiley-face bullets to show their good intentions.

George Zimmerman needs to go on the $10 bill. Standing his ground.