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Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Who will the NEXT president invite to the State of the Union address?

The President and the First Lady have announced their guests for the 2016 State of the Union Address, January 12.

The practice was begun by President Reagan in 1992. The House galleries hold about 875 people. The President and First Lady got 25 seats this year.

House Speaker Paul Ryan has his own, competing list of six guests.He invited heads of organizations he says show poverty can be eliminated without government money. All of them get government money.

This year a seat beside the First Lady will remain empty, to honor victims of gun violence.

Others demand empty seats as well. Senator John McCain wants one for some of the people his insatiable lust for Mideast war has displaced.

Brian Brown, head of the irrelevant National Organization for Marriage, issued a statement “demanding” that the Republicans in Congress place a seat empty for the fifty million Americans he claims voted for bans on marriage equality in the States and were “disenfranchised” when the Supreme Court declared such bans unconstitutional.

The Washington Examiner, which claims to be a newspaper, complained that the President was trying to fill the House galleries with Mean Gays. Of those seated in the First Lady’s section, two are gay: 0.0023% of the guests.

Determined for parity, Congressman Jim Jordan of Ohio invited Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis. She will attend with her ventriloquist, attorney Mat Staver. Since members of Congress get only one ticket each, Davis will, presumably, sit in Staver’s lap.

2106 is also a presidential election year. This means 12 Republicans and three Democrats will be mulling over their guest list for their first SOTU gala next year.

There are 24 seats to fill. Whom might each choose? Here’s some possibilities:

Jeb Bush

23 seats to immediate family.
Empty seat: for a Bush president yet unborn.

Ben Carson:

-Jesus, who sat for a portrait with Carson
-Dr Mohamed Ibrahim, Minister of State for Antiquities, Egypt
-Seth Blackford, voted by peers as the worst fifth grade student at Isaac Newton Christian Academy, Cedar Rapids, Iowa
-Kanye West
-Richard Petty
-The to-be-named Popeye’s clerk he offered to be killed in Carson’s place during a Popeye’s robbery
-Cesar Millan, representing the soft-talkers of America

Empty seat: Thomas Jefferson

Chris Christie:

-Kaci Hickox, quarantined Ebola nurse
-Four MetLife Stadium food concessionaires
-Twenty New Jerseyans randomly chosen from the 72% who wanted him to resign as governor in 2015

Empty seats: The one Democrat he admires; King Hussein of Jordan; Bruce Springsteen

Hillary Clinton:

-Bill, bound and gagged
-Chelsea, the unknown husband, and the kids
-Sidney Blumenthal
-Congressman Trey Gowdy
-Maureen Dowd
-The population of one village

Empty seat: Roger Clinton

Ted Cruz:

-Aaron and Melissa Klein, the martyr-bakers of Oregon
-Rowan County, Kentucky Clerk Kim Davis and current husband, if applicable
-Rev. Kevin Swanson, host of the “Death to Gays” conference Cruz wowed
-Justin Trudeau, prime minister of Canada, Cruz’s actual head of state
-Donald Trump, who made it all possible
-Han Solo

Empty seats: his 100 former US Senate colleagues

Carly Fiorina:

-“My good friend Bibi Netanyahu”
-The Stanford football team

Empty seat: “My good friend Steve Jobs”

Mike Huckabee:

-Wife Janet, whom he has proposed being on the $10 bill
-His two sons (2 seats each)
-Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis and current husband, if applicable
-Chuck Norris
-Bristol Palin, representing the Absent Abstinent
-20 randomly chosen members of The Duggar Family

Empty seat: Josh Duggar

Marco Rubio:

-Malala Yousafzai
-John Florsheim, president, Florsheim Shoes

Bernie Sanders:

-Larry David

Empty seat: Karl Marx

Rick Santorum:

-Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis and current husband, if applicable
-Dan Savage
-unidentified man with dog
-Foster Friess
-the entire national audience of his movie company’s first feature, Hoovy

Donald Trump:

-Franklin Graham
-Sarah Palin
-Daughter, Ivanka, whose face he will propose placing on the $10 bill
-Wife, Melania Trump (2005- )
No one else. They’re all losers.

Empty seats: Ivana Trump (1977-92); Marla Trump (1993-99)

Jim Gilmore:

-Ben Carson
-Chris Christie
-Ted Cruz
-Carly Fiorina
-Lindsey Graham
-Mike Huckabee
-Bobby Jindal
-John Kasich
-George Pataki
-Rand Paul
-Rick Perry
-Marco Rubio
-Rick Santorum
-Donald Trump
-Scott Walker
-Hillary Clinton
-Martin O’Malley
Bernie Sanders

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