Will cows eat 'em?

From Dan Savage's column in The Stranger, what to do with surplus latex products, or not. A reader asks:


I am no longer sexually active, but I have a significant collection of sex toys from earlier years. I'm thinking of getting rid of most of them, and it seems such a waste for them to end up in the landfill. What's an environmentally responsible way to dispose of dildos? I wish there was a place I could donate the dildos where they could be used again. Many of them are quality silicone types, they've never been used on a person without a condom, and they've been thoroughly cleaned. I'd be happy to donate them to impoverished dildo users in need, if only I knew where to send them.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

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Your question comes up frequently, RRR, and there really isn't a satisfactory answer.

In Seattle, where I live, a community tool bank recently opened in my neighborhood—but they don't collect and lend the kind of tools you're looking to donate. I've heard about dildo graveyards in other cities (spots in parks where people bury their used sex toys), but burying sex toys isn't environmentally responsible. And while high-quality dildos can be cleaned and safely reused, most people are pretty squeamish about the idea. Which is odd, considering that we routinely reuse actual cocks that have been enjoyed by others—so why not the fake ones?

But even if I can't tell you what to do with your dildos, RRR, I can tell you what not to do with them: Do not ship your used dildos to the anti-government militia currently occupying a federal wildlife refuge in rural Oregon. After militia members asked supporters to send them supplies—via the US Postal Service—their spokesperson complained bitterly about all the dildos they were getting in the mail. So if you decide to put your used dildos in a box and send them somewhere, RRR, please make sure the address on the box doesn't read: Bundy Militia, c/o Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, 36391 Sodhouse Lane, Princeton, OR, 97721.