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Thursday, July 21, 2016

The Daily Dumpster Digest, #3

The Dancing Delegates are filling the floor before tonight's episode of Hot in Cleveland gets lit.

They're rocking out to Eight Days A Week: their platform's answer to raising the minimum wage.

If your kids are watching the convention for little civics homeschooling, here's a fun car travel game they can play: Spot the Black Delegates.

They should be able to close their scorecards by bedtime. There are only 18.

There were more when segregation was still legal.

Florida Governor Rick Scott opened his speech with an invocation of the Orlando mass murders. He said he cried for the survivors- the mothers and fathers,sisters and brothers.

This is consistent with the party platform.


Laura Ingraham is waxing nostalgic about when she was a senior in high school- in 1979- and she says she had to wait in long lines to buy gas.

Never mind that the oil shock was in 1972-73.

Her general approach is kind of snarky: like Chelsea Handler after a 30-day rest cure in rehab.

81-year-old Phil Ruffin is a Vegas Strip investor. He invests in hotels with Trump, and has learned to talk about his properties the way The Donald does.

The Donald was the best man at Phil Ruffin's second marriage. Phil Ruffin says Donald Trump's word is better than any contract.

Tell that to the first two Mrs Trumps.

Pam Bondi, the Attorney General of Florida, is paying off some more of what she owes Donald Trump for the $25,000 he gave her four days after she announced she was going to join a suit against Trump University.

Shortly thereafter, Pam Bondi dropped her investigation. And that's what honoring the rule of law means to her.

A former space shuttle pilot utterly failed to prove Hillary Clinton broke any laws involving the American space program. Response was tepid.

In the Self-Help Portion of tonight's program, a childhood circus clown realized- "Florida does rock!"- as her 20-year high school reunion loomed- that she was a shlub in a minivan while all her friends were driving Bimmers and looked like Barbie.

No, it's not the Romy & Michelle remake.

Michelle Van Etten says 50% of millennials can't be entrepreneurs because of "excessive policies and eight years of liberals." She now lives the America dream, and after only two years, "was able to retire my husband."

No, that's not another Republican multiple marriage story. She called him home to raise the kids and homeschool them because she just will not subject them to the Common Core.

Her halting conclusion? There is only one man who can "cure the circus of the last eight years, and be the The Ultimate Ringmaster."

Kentucky State Senator Ralph Alvorado spoke Spanish and no one yelled, "Lock him up!"

He is a good, legal Hispanic.

Darrell Scott, the current speaker, is a Cleveland minister with a congregation for about 200. He has a five year "relationship" with Donald Trump, who, apparently, inspired him to stop supporting Democrats running for office around Cleveland. He sees The Donald as a leg up to the big time: when the one-year anniversary of the death of Tamir Rice was noted by local back clergy, Scott was at Trump rally in Georgia.

He rejects appearances on black media, but is apparently always down for being on CNN and Fox News.

An article in The Root noted earlier this year:

Scott’s first sermon after endorsing Trump was one part self-aggrandizing revival and another part self-interview. Like many pastors, he portrayed himself as a man of God being attacked by haters and heathens. He railed against the “liberal media.”

“If I was Muslim, if I was homosexual, the media wouldn’t have a problem with what I was saying,” Scott said.

“He’s a 69-year-old rich white man from upstate New York. He’s not going to turn hat backward, sag his jeans and flash gang signs while he puts out a rap video with Jay Z,” said Scott, the assumption being that gang signs, baggy jeans and rap videos are what’s necessary to get black votes...When I asked him why Trump was better for African-American Christians than Mike Huckabee, a minister, or Rick Santorum, his answer was, “They haven’t reached out to me.”

Harold Hamm is a 70-year-old oil company boss. He is worth 9.6 billion dollars. He says Donald Trump will make him richer than Donald Trump.

Scott Walker is the governor of Wisconsin. Jim Gilmore lasted longer in the race than Scott Walker. His speech is mostly a list of things he punctuates with "America Deserve Better."

Governor Walker is standing away from the podium and teleprompters, so all the delegates are holding up cue cards reading "America Deserves Better".

Governor Walker says it is not enough to respect law enforcement officers. He demands "they need to be revered."

Governor Walker says he wouldn't let Hillary Clinton have the security code to his iPhone. Me? I hope it isn't the one a Wisconsin radio host got to him on, convincing Governor Walker he was one of the Koch Brothers, and broadcasting the Governor's simpering to the state.

Governor Walker's son graduated from college in the spring. He went to work for Governor Pat McCrory's campaign and has never been seen again.

Her voice quavering, Lynne Patton managed to sneak a video into the convention without the Trump family knowing about it. Yep. She said it.

She's the Michael B. Anthony to The Donald's John Beresford Tipton, handing out benisons.

In a remarkable, truly breathtaking lie, Ms Patton told the delegates Donald Trump and the GOP will look out for minorities and "LGBQ- LBG- LGBTQ" people.

Ted Cruz! I've so missed Mr Haney, and that shiny latex face he just pulled from a pickle barrel!

After his April visit to Indiana, when he tried to talk hoops by discussing shots through those "basketball rings." Tonight he managed to salute the Cavs without screwing up.

But on to business. Let's wallow in the Houston police murders, officer by officer. He just invoked Victor Hugo's novel, Les Miserables: "To die of love is to live by it." And he says those cops died protecting those mean black people who scorned them. The eyes narrow. The lips curl.

Now he's into his primary stump speech. I'll be back in a little bit.


A new line: he says the internet needs to be free of all regulation. He didn't say how this lines up with the platform declaration that pornography is a public health crisis.

Another new line: "Whether you are gay or straight, the Bill of Rights protects the right of everyone to live according to his conscience." Coz its a choice. Oh, and states can ban you from that right.


The system protects the elites at the expense of ordinary working folk, he says. Working folk like his wife, a partner at Goldman Sachs. The establishment he filed to re-election to the day after his campaign for president finally collapsed.


Now a history lesson on how Republicans ended slavery, repealed Jim Crow, and passed the Civil Rights Acts of the 1960s. He says the media will never explain this. I'd settle for the media explaining how the Republicans started baptizing Wallaceite Southern Democrats into the party as soon as they were done, or how the Republicans didn't so much outlaw slavery as privatize it.


A quick pander to the New York delegation and their "values" for their enthusiasm.


The audience is bored. Ted's off on a long, quavery peroration, and the delegates chanted all the way through it.

Lawsy, mama, that man needs someone to flip the STFU switch on him.

Eric Trump is on.

Here, from The New York Daily News, is all you need to know about Eric Trump and his sister, Ivanka, and their views on public policy:

The system is too confusing for Donald Trump's children.

The real estate mogul's offspring explained why they won't be voting in next week's New York primary during a CNN town hall, saying they missed key deadlines — and weren't aware of the primary voting process.

"I'm an independent, and I've always voted based on the candidate as opposed to based on the party," Ivanka Trump told CNN's Anderson Cooper. "We're not a family of politicians, we haven't been in politics very long. New York has one of the most onerous rules in terms of registration, and it required us to register a long time ago, almost close to a year ago … and we didn't do that. We found out about it sort of after the fact."

The cutoff to change party affiliation passed on Oct. 9, and the deadline to register passed in March.

New York runs a closed primary, meaning only voters registered to a specific party can vote for that party's candidates.

Ivanka Trump said the situation motivated her to shoot a series of voting-themed videos "to educate people in each of the individual states," she said.

Her brother Eric Trump, meanwhile, says the matter was a lesson for the family.

"It was our first, kind of, foray into politics," Eric Trump said. "We didn't realize how the whole system worked, and it was amazing."

"We made it a very big part (of the campaign) to get that message out. Get out, register. Go out, vote. Here's how you do it," he added.

During the town hall, Trump accused the Republican party of conspiring against him, saying the system is "stacked against me."

Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus wasn't buying the mogul's argument.

"Nomination process known for a year + beyond. It's the responsibility of the campaigns to understand it. Complaints now? Give us all a break," he wrote on Twitter.

73-year-old Newt Gingrich was just introduced by his 50-year-old third wife. She started an extramarital affair with Newt Gingrich while he was 1/ impeaching President Clinton over an extramarital affair, and 2/ he was married to his second wife, Marianne, with whom he had begun an extramarital affair while his first wife was being treated for cancer.

Newt divorced Marianne in 1999 to marry Callista. In 2002 he asked the Catholic Church to annul his marriage on grounds she had been married before- apparently, to him, and him not a Catholic until a showy cathedral conversion in DC in 2009.

Newt shut down the federal government in a fit of pique at President Clinton; was the first House Speaker to be reprimanded over ethics issues, and, after he was forced by his own party to resign, was not succeeded by Congressman Bob Livingston, whose own adulterous past came up in a most untimely way.  So he was succeeded by J. Dennis Hastert, who spent his career denouncing gay men as perverts and molesters before going to prison for dropping a coupla mil on secret blackmail payments to one or more of his own victims- high school wrestling student she picked out from a Barcalounger he installed at the entrance to the boys' gym showers. Hastert's now owned by a clique of federal prison hospital orderlies who are all named Leon.

And that's all you need to know about this party's family values in practice. I muted Fat Elvis' speech. I gave up listening to him four years ago, when he said we need colonies on the moon. The space shuttle pilot didn't say we need that earlier tonight, and all the idea has led to is Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert giving interviews to tell about his sexual fantasies of gays in space when the end times come and we all have to leave for the restaurant at the end of the universe.

Mike Pence is up. It's 10.40 pm, and the best Trump Team Trump can assemble has blown their prime time opportunity to introduce America to a man 86% of whom have no idea exists.

Speaker Ryan says he is the born leader. Mike Pence took three tries to get into Congress; then lost the caucus leadership (bigly, as Trump says) to John Boehner (who promptly became Speaker of the House), and didn't get a single bill out of committee, much less passed, in twelve years. But he was chair of the Republican Study Committee, which is so ideology-driven there is no need to study anything.

Before he finally got on the public payroll, where he has rested- an outsider- for almost a quarter century, Pence was a mini-Limbaugh on Indiana radio. When he needed a reason to oppose women serving in the military, Mike Pence found it in a Disney cartoon, Mulan.

As Governor of Indiana, he tried to set up a taxpayer-funded state-owned "news service."  Pence News got laughed out of town. But the idea lingers: he just said the press will do half of Hillary Clinton's campaign media for her. A state-run news service with Indiana's $2 billion surplus behind must seem an opportunity truly frittered away.

He held a secret, late night signing ceremony antigay groups somehow all heard about and all attended, to celebrate America's first comprehensive religious bigotry law.

Then, in days,  Mike Pence wet himself over losing $60 million in convention business and demanded a revision of the law to exclude gays from its right to discriminate provisions. He went on TV to try and explain all this and proved that the Dan Quayle deer-in-the-headlights look is handed out to all statewide GOP officeholders in Indiana.

(Tell it to Pat McCrory, who has bet his entire state's economy- a billion dollars a year lost to the Charlotte-area economy alone- on keeping down those his party despises. That's a man with giant junk).

Mike Pence pledges to carry on in the Indiana tradition offering its second best to the second spot on the ticket: Dan Quayle, Thomas R Marshall and Charles Warren Fairbanks.

He says he is "a Christian, a conservative, and a Republican- in that order."

Something's missing from that list.

He says his childhood heroes were President Kennedy and Dr King, but he got over that. He went over to the Reagan sock hop when he was 21, lured by dat ol' debbil tax cut rhythm.

He says he joined the ticket "in a heartbeat." According to The New York Times, it was easy- Trump wants him to be president, while The Donald signs hats, plays golf, and makes America great again.

The cynics were wrong who said anyone signing on with Trump must be betting hard on impeachment. Pence can draft behind Trump for 90 days and- maybe- get to be president anyway, with none of the trouble of running on his own record.

That record had him barely ahead of his Democratic opponent in an overwhelmingly Republican state when Donald Trump snatched him up- and not without regret- two hours before he would have to stick with running for re-election. That's gotta truly be seen as a miracle.

Well, he's gone on a good bit now, and it's apparent there is really only one speech at this year's convention, and it just gets rewound, over and over, on the teleprompter.

But he wrote a hell of a lot of dogwhistle talk into the margins of his copy.

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