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Sunday, December 11, 2016


Olsen is the one on the left.

A gay acquaintance of mine is giddy over news that Susan Olsen got fired from her LA radio talk show gig for posting an authentic example of washed-up-TV-series-actor-conservative-spite on Facebook.

It is a blow for LGBT rights, he assures the world.

Susan Olsen was the youngest of the girls-chilluns in The Brady Bunch, which went off the air forty-two years ago. She is now 55, and has made her living mostly playing her annoying Brady child character, Cindy, as an equally annoying adult in a seemingly endless series of revivals and reunion movies made for television.

One can imagine she harbors certain unresolved personal issues, knowing that her best acting work was behind her at the age of thirteen. There are reports the program's second season troubled her then-sensitive soul. The story arc required her to be a snitch, and all her pals at Child Star Grade School shunned her because television really is reality.

In between making more forgettable Brady memories, Olsen has stretched to show that she has the chops to be a serious adult actor. Her post-Brady roles include 1984’s Divorce Court (“Litigant”); “Frumpy Woman” in the 2009 short film, Zombo; and the lead role in 2015’s Mama Claus, Deck the Hall With Guts.

A woman of parts, Olsen is also noted for designing a glow in the dark sneaker, for art inspired by Marshmallow Fluffs, and for being mistaken for the actress in the popular porn film Crocodile Blondee.

In the way of small-bore talents trying not to starve, Olsen is also an advocate for migraine sufferers and abandoned pets. This means she makes appearances, for money, to share stories of suffering migraines and feeling abandoned as a  child star until someone rescued her and put her on conservative talk radio. That is where low-wattage celebrities go who cannot sing (those who can go to Branson).

Ms Olsen just got fired from her radio gig for indulging her antipathy to LGBT humans, on whom, presumably, she wishes plagues of abandonment and migraines. Her station, which says it “takes pride in its close and collaborative relationship with the LGBT community”, fired her only after the victim of her ad hominems on Facebook lit a fire under it. She attacked an actor no one has also ever heard of.

My acquaintance is celebrating the knockoff of a has-been who will, in short order, find a new gig on a shockier-jockier radio station happy to have “Don’t mess with Cindy-fucking-Brady” in the drivetime lineup. He has no interest whatever, however, in how his government works. He assured me, and his other friends, that “Trump is OK with the gays” and will be “good for the country.”

But he is all over knowing a frumpy lady is temporarily out of work, at a radio station he didn’t listen to, over a Facebook rant he didn’t read.

And that, friends, is how Republicans win elections. And how I unfollow acquaintances.

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