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Monday, October 16, 2017

What Fresh Hell, 10/16/17: Hegelian dualism, no painful anal probes for family values alien abductee; the Nazis' quasi-intellectual think thank, and Jim Bakker's warning from God: "Don't make me come down there."

In a new interview w/ Der Spiegel, the president of France begins by discussing Hegel. One can imagine the American president, visiting him July, responding, “Hagel? You know that guy? Bad secretary of defense. Very weak. Resigned before I could get elected and fire him.”


The man who owns Hobby Lobby has spent $500m on a gigantic Washington, DC museum of the Bible. It’s an Ark Experience for people who can read. The Vice President will dedicate it in November. While the Bible Experience- the projects shared the same consultant- is free, the management recommends a $15 love offering.

While there is no exhibit on what a capitalist Jesus thinks of trafficking in stolen goods in His name, “A full-size jail cell allows visitors to reflect on the biblical roots of the western concept of justice.”

Mr Hobby Lobby paid a $3m fine for “forfeit thousands of smuggled ancient Iraqi artifacts that the US government alleged were intentionally mislabeled.”


This sort of mental decline is known as early-onset whataboutism. It is also characterized by tragic delusions of coolth:


The mother-in-law of Vice President Pence’s deputy chief of staff is running for Congress in Florida. She has been to space, though not with NASA.

Among the things she said she found out from the aliens:

▪ There are 30,000 skulls — “different from humans” — in a cave in the Mediterranean island of Malta.

▪ The world’s “energy center” is in Africa.

▪ The Coral Castle, a limestone tourist attraction South Miami-Dade, is actually an ancient Egyptian pyramid.

▪ “God is a universal energy.”

She also said that the aliens had mentioned Isis, though she didn’t clarify if they meant the terrorist organization or the ancient Egyptian goddess.

Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera, a Republican, says three blond, big-bodied beings — two females, one male — visited her when she was 7 years old and have communicated telepathically with her several times in her life.


Headline of the Day:

Trump mocks Pence for wanting ‘to hang’ all gay people



The GOP candidate for mayor of Charlotte, Kenny Smith, is a real-estate dealer from the tonier and whiter south side of the city. With gobs of money in the bank not spent on coasting past primary challengers including a woman who listed among her qualifications that she is white, he is making big TV buys.

His first ad is about traffic congestion. He promises to fix it for the commuters who live out where he does. Solutions for those living in the more densely populated urban core? He’s promising to veto future extensions of Charlotte’s light rail system.


The governor of Florida, Rick Scott, has declared a state of emergency in a Florida county ahead of a speech at Florida State University by Richard Spencer, the very nice Nazi.

Responsibility for running the emergency will fall on a 29-year-director of emergency management.

The Southern Poverty Law Center has described Spencer as “a suit-and-tie version of the white supremacists of old, a kind of professional racist in khakis.” Spencer, 39, runs the National Policy Institute, an organization that the law center says employs a “quasi-intellectual approach to white separatism.”



Saying that he is sick of people mocking him because some of his prophetic warnings have not yet come true, Bakker bellowed that “when God says something to you, you don’t always know the exact time it’s going to happen. [So] stop beating up the prophets because God says, ‘Woe unto you when you beat up on the prophets.'”

“God is speaking to his people,” he continued. “The only ones who probably aren’t talking to God these days are mean people in America, people who just are anti-Christ.”

“If you don’t want to hear it, just shut me off,” Baker said. “Especially you folks that monitor me every day to try to destroy me. Just go away. You don’t have to be there, you don’t have to hear it. But one day, you’re going to shake your fist in God’s face and you’re going to say, ‘God, why didn’t you warn me?’ And He’s going say, ‘You sat there and you made fun of Jim Bakker all those years. I warned you but you didn’t listen.'”

“Where issss myyyy precious….?”

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