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Friday, July 13, 2018

Texas pol: a second term for me means no more happy endings for you

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The governor of Texas, Greg Abbott, a wheelchair-bound man who wants to repeal the Americans With Disabilities Act, is on a new moral crusade: he says there are more whorehouses in Houston than Starbucks.

This confuses me. It's not like he will lose. His opponent is a Hispanic lesbian ex-sheriff.

There are three reasons Abbott doesn't know his own party's catechism.

First, the governor ought to be promoting locally-owned businesses over a chain run from liberal Seattle. In the view of Texas Republicans, Seattle needs no brothels because all of its residents are sex fiends. Indeed, The Stranger, a local weekly, once described Seattle's bathhouses as "whorehouses staffed by volunteers."

Second, it seems like an apples and oranges comparison. Why pick Starbucks? Everyone knows you can't get laid at a Starbucks. Hell, if you're black, you can't even sit down.

Why not compare numbers with gas stations, or vape shops, or dry cleaners, or Baptist churches whose members are surely among the sex clubs' patrons?

Third, a brothel owner in Nevada is a GOP nominee for the Nevada legislature. Big whoop! as Suzanne Sugarbaker used to cry. US Senator from Iowa Roger Jepsen lost his seat for doing research in one in what he called a moment of weakness and voter intolerance. Since that 1984 race, Iowa was gotten way more tolerant of GOP sexual mores.

Louisiana Senator David Vitter got major mileage points for his visits to brothels in DC and N'awlins and his wife has been paid off with a federal judgeship.

Jack Ryan, the 2004 Republican Senate nominee in Illinois (opposing Barack Obama), had to bail out after his ex-wife claimed he dragged her along to his fave brothels (she didn't get a federal judgeship).

Republican national conventions are legendary for their demand for pop-up male escort services.

It's all about free men and free markets, Governor Abbott. Adam Smith would call it capitalism's invisible handjob.

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