"Hang thee, young baggage! Get thee to a scriptorium!

We frankly can't think of anything to add to this one:

Spice Girl renounces music for writing career
Guy Dammann
Friday May 2, 2008

guardian.co.uk

Former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell claims to have hung up her hotpants and Union Jack boots for the last time, today embarking on a new career as a children's author.

The first of six books, all centred around a small, vivacious, ginger-haired girl called Ugenia Lavender, is published today by Macmillan.

Halliwell is full of ambitions for her young doppelganger, who she describes as summing up "what being young is all about".

"She's streetwise, sassy, has a sense of humour but most importantly has a sense of right and wrong," she said. "I believe Ugenia can conquer the world, and I really hope people will love her as much as I do."

In a dig at fellow celebrity-turned-author Katie "Jordan" Price, whose My Perfect Ponies was recently nominated for a Nibby award, Halliwell has been keen to emphasise that the writing of the books was all her own work.

"I know there is a prejudice against celebrity authors, but if you read my stories you'll know they're not ghostwritten - only that I could be bonkers," she confessed to the Hello! Magazine website.

Halliwell's Ugenia Lavender books are also distinctive in pushing a decidedly old-fashioned, moralistic approach to children's storytelling. With storylines including the feisty heroine seeing off playground bullies and foiling art thieves, each instalment of the book will end with a newsletter in which Ugenia sums up what she has learnt from her experience, concluding with shrewd and concise moral aphorims such as "face your fear".

Although the former Spice Girl claims to have put an end to her singing career, the books will be publicised by a series of TV commercials which feature a Ugenia Lavender song specially composed and performed by the former pop star.

Nonetheless, she is adamant that her mainstream career as a singer is behind her.

"I feel like I've hung up my hotpants now," she said. "I'll always try and be honest about myself. I've finished as a solo artist. Right now I just feel really comfortable writing books."