#MAGAWeek 2

April 2: Elephants have the longest mammalian gestation period, and it still only takes them a year and a half:

Barrasso: “I’ve been working on a plan since the day I got to the Senate.”

Todd, with the punchline: "You’ve been in the Senate for 12 years."

The president promised a Republican health care replacement plan for those who live long enough to see if finally exist.

After nine years of trying to kill of the Affordable Care Act, the president declared the GOP would re-brand itself "the party of health care" and put Senators Rick Scott- a Medicare fraud king- and Senator JohBarrassoso, who said he has been thinking about how to replace Obamacare from the first day he arrived in office, in 2007, two years before President Obama as sworn in- in charge.

Today the president says that, although they have a great plan, the Republicans will hold it hostage against the American public giving Trump a second term in office.

Still looking forward to the End Times, evangelicals said they are willing to wait a bit longer for losing their health coverage. "We won't need it no more."

Then he sent out Sarah Sanders to walk back the closing of the Mexican border. #WINforTheGuacLobby

April 2: Say what you will about Joe Biden's grabbiness, but his tendency to talk without his mind engaged has made Donald Trump's federal court-rigging increasingly a breeze:

People are probably familiar with the back story, but I’ll recap: When Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died in February 2016, McConnell and the Republicans quickly served notice that they would not even hold hearings on a replacement until a new president had been elected. They argued that precedent was on their side by pointing to the “Biden rule.” Essentially, then-Sen. Joe Biden (D-Del.) had argued in June 1992 against holding hearings before that year’s election if there had been a Supreme Court vacancy.

Imagine if Uncle Joe wins and a Supreme Court nomination comes up.

April 2: "Hours after the Senate voted down a disaster relief package that Democrats argued didn’t include enough money to help storm-ravaged Puerto Rico, President Trump took to Twitter on Monday night to lash out at the opposition party and the island’s leaders.

Trump, who has reportedly said in private that he doesn’t want “another single dollar” going to Puerto Rico in the wake of Hurricane Maria, again complained about funding for the island and called San Juan Mayor Carmen Yulín Cruz, a frequent critic, “crazed and incompetent.”

“The Democrats today killed a Bill that would have provided great relief to Farmers and yet more money to Puerto Rico despite the fact that Puerto Rico has already been scheduled to receive more hurricane relief funding than any ‘place’ in history,” Trump tweeted around 11 p.m. “The people of Puerto Rico are GREAT, but the politicians are incompetent or corrupt.”

April 2: Teabaggist congressman, stuck in the minority, says he's headed for the Branson of politics.

April 2: The Big Penis Party will run against Alan Alda next year. #MAGA vs. #MASH

April 2: Sensing an opening for a short, elderly moderate white guy, Bloomberg takes a mulligan on The White House.

April 2: A Florida Trumpikazi congressman, Matt Gaetz, is opposing the LGBT Equality Act because he worries the president will use to declare he is a woman.

He also frets that men would use the opportunity to infiltrate women's groups advocating for the rights Gaetz opposes them having.

One might have thought he'd be down on the bill because The Gays might claim they are straight and want to watch the Super Bowl in a neighbor's man cave.

April 2: Why do celebrity golfers play golf with a man who does stuff like this?:

At Trump Bedminster in New Jersey, Trump once won a senior club championship from 87 miles away. He’d declared that the club should start having senior club championships for those 50 and up, but he forgot that one of the best players at the club had just turned 50. Having zero chance at beating the guy, he went up to his Trump Philadelphia course on the day of the tournament and played with a friend there. Afterward, according to a source inside the Bedminster club, he called the Bedminster pro shop and announced he’d shot 73 and should be declared the winner. The pro, wanting to stay employed, agreed. His name went up on the plaque. “But then,” says the source, “somebody talked to the caddy up in Philly and asked him what Trump shot that day. The caddy goes, ‘Maybe 82. And that might be generous.’ He pulls that kind of shit all the time around here.”

He's also the 1999 club champion at a club that wasn't open yet.

April 2: Hot on the heels of a whistle blower's disclosure that 25 White House employees denied security clearances for cause got them anyway, a Chinese babe has talked her way into Mar-a-Lago with two passports, four cell phones, and a thumb drive loaded with computer malware. She said she was just there to swim. Then she said she was there for a UN event. Then she said a friend in "Chy-ner" told her to do it.

April 3: Citing the success of Boeing's self-certification of airworthiness, the Trump regime is extending the concept to pork production. That is not a joke.

April 3: Trump's friend the president of Brazil emerged from an Israeli Holocaust museum declaring the Nazis were left-wingers because they used the word Socialist in their party name.

This jackassry is popular among US Repblicans, too.