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Friday, January 17, 2014

The Coburn slow burn finally fizzles


Like his fellow crazoid Jim DeMint, Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn has decided to retire two years before his term ends. It is expected that this unexpected decision will arouse the animal spirits of ambitious Oklahoma Republicans, much as the retirement of Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss brought that state's congressional clown car to a screeching halt so its occupants could all go file for the seat.

The rather short Coburn, whose pouffy hairdo recalls the attempts by the actor Claude Rains to gain some height by the same device, spent six years in the House before waiting for a Senate seat to come open in 2004. His years in the Senate have been marked by eccentricity and a general willingness to collect a paycheck for doing little and voting "no" virtually all the time. No issue was too small for Senator Coburn to act small about. He once opposed a Rachel Carson centenary commemoration, calling Carson's work "junk science," proclaiming that Silent Spring "was the catalyst in the deadly worldwide stigmatization against insecticides, especially DDT."

Coburn, also a renowned moralist, was up to his pouffy hair in the seedy scandal that spilled out of colleague and C Street Family frat house roommate Senator Jon Ensign. He claimed a legal privilege against saying anything about what he knew. He based the claim on being a doctor, though- an ob/gyn, he had not delivered any babies of Senator Ensign- and as a Baptist Church deacon. Last summer he fantasized about impeaching President Obama.

Left utterly unaddressed, after all these years, will be Senator Coburn's 2004 claim of sexual anarchy corrupting the young ladies of his state:
Lesbians of America, pack your bags! There’s a new lesbian capital of the world: Oklahoma! 
It may at first be hard to believe that this modest midwestern state is a breeding ground as a lesbian Sodom and Gomorrah, but we have it from a good source that the state is in fact cultivating lesbian debauchery. 
None other than former ultra-conservative Republican Congressman and the current Republican Senate candidate Tom Coburn says so. 
In a tape recently released by Brad Carson, Coburn's Democratic opponent for the Senate race there, Coburn is heard warning the good clean citizens of Oklahoma of the great lesbian threat to their state.
On the tape, Coburn tells how a campaign worker form Coalgate, Okla., told him that lesbianism is “so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they’ll only let one girl go to the bathroom.”
Well, I think he really meant to say they all only let one girl at a time go to the     bathroom. It’'d be kind of be a mess if they really only ever let that one girl in the school go to the bathroom.
But back to lesbian debauchery.
This is, of course, a matter of grave concern and alarm for the good citizens of Oklahoma. Imagine, girls pretending they have to relieve themselves, then going to the bathroom to relieve themselves.
On tape, Coburn warns his fellow Oklahomans to think about this issue. How has this catastrophe happened to us?
When contacted by the Associated Press for follow-up, Coburn's spokesperson, John Hart, had an answer. Lesbian debauchery has been allowed to happen, he said, because “our kids are getting mixed messages about sexuality.”
Coburn's sex fantasies were just one of Gawker's 10 worst things the Senator ever said. 

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