Potential gay moments at the Oscars when you will want to be getting some more chips in the kitchen, dudes

Even as a Utah state senator got handed his hat by fellow Republicans and the LDS Church for spilling the beans in public on what they really believe about gays, the Oscars loom.

Sunday night is Gay Super Bowl Night.

For all you anxious SC straight guys trapped in a world of moral relativism in which the only reliable touchstone for hard-drinking Southern Baptists is "if you're gonna get faced, don't spill Amstel on your Apple," here is a peek into the Possible Gay Oscar Moments You'll Want To Be Sitting Stone-Faced Through. In other words, whatever the following Drinking Game says do, do the opposite:

THE RULES

Whenever somebody mentions the length of the telecast, take one drink.

Pass your drink to someone else every time someone mentions Jesus.

Every time a winner tests the weight of their Oscar or stares at it lovingly, take a drink.

Every time a presenter awkwardly interacts with an animated character, take a drink.

Anytime a presenter mentions some sort of backstage shenanigans, take two drinks.

Take one drink anytime the word "gay" is mentioned.

Take two drinks anytime "gay" is mentioned outside the context of Milk.

Take one drink anytime Proposition 8 is mentioned in an award speech.

Take two drinks if it's mentioned by someone not involved in Milk.

Every time the director cuts to a shot of a gay nominee sitting with his boyfriend/ lover/ trick, have one drink.

If the bf/lover/trick appears to be over 30, have two drinks.

If Hugh Jackman references how bad Australia was, take one drink.

If Hugh Jackman sings, take one drink.

If Hugh Jackman dances, take two drinks.

If Hugh Jackman takes off his shirt, take two drinks.

If Hugh Jackman kisses another man, take three drinks.

If Hugh Jackman impersonates Harvey Milk, take three drinks.

If Hugh Jackman "does something for his gay fans", take two drinks.

If Hugh Jackman makes a gay joke at Jack Nicholson's expense, take one drink.

For lushes: Whenever Hugh Jackman does something that only a gay man would do, take a sip.

If Hugh Jackman comes out, down the bottle.

For the rest of the exhaustive list, click here.